Valentine's Day

I guess I kind of need to explain last entry... so here it goes.

Everything was going really well, me and my boyfriend were at the last stage of our date, really going at it in the university’s parking-lot, things started getting hot-n-steamy, belt-buckle undone zipper going down and… we hear a door opening and closing near us. I look back and guess who? Oh yeah, Campus police. *dies*

My guess is the cop didn’t actually wanted to see what was going on, he just stayed in his car, waiting. I quickly zipped up and said my goodbye, fuck his stupid-police-ass and his timing.

Blue Balls…

... hurt like a bitch.

Meet the Honest Hobo

A couple of friends and I were going to eat Chinese (food), there were so many of us we decided to car pool. I tagged along with a friend who was leaving town for a couple of months the day after, before we got in the car we noticed that one of the tires was a bit low, we got in the car and before we could make it to the gas station, the tire just went completely flat on us. Friend didn’t have a spare, so he called his brother and told him to bring one and the things needed to change the tire.

I’m so lucky I don’t have to deal with things like that, I mean… I know nothing about cars, I was pretty sure I’d die before I could change a tire, now I don’t think it’s complicated, with the right equipment.

We were waiting when this happened: (I did my best remembering the exact conversation)

Honest Hobo: *approaches us* Excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute? Please don’t laugh; I have something to ask you guys.

Us: …okay?

H. H.: Well, first of all let me tell you that I have cancer, this is not a sob-story and I don’t want you to think I’m lying to get some scam money. I’m being honest and I’m telling you this, I’m going to use the money to buy crack. I’m being honest, I don’t do it to get high and forget, I do it because it eases my pain. All I need for now is 2 dollars, could you please help me?

Friend: I got to admit it; you are really being honest about what you are gonna do with the money, so… here you go. *hands him 1 dollar*

H. H.: Thank you, man. I appreciate it. You know what hurts the most? My feet, they are killing me. *leaves*

BTW, took us (and by us I mean my friend) one hour to change the tire.

I think I left my innocence in the backseat of your car...

When I was 14, feelings towards Lestat (vampire lover, if you have to know) developed in an almost favorable way. I told him I liked him and, not a moment later, he started using that to his advantage. He knew that if he ever needed something, a few hugs and some patting (I’m not kidding) was all it took for me to do it. This went over for a couple of years, we slowly drifted apart. Then, a year ago or so, I had the chance of catching up with him for a while and, guess what? He confessed he had a thing for me for a while… yeah, I wanted to kill him.

Not much to report for the next couple of years… until a month before going to college.

I don’t even remember how I got there, but when I was 18, I found a gay-website with listings of people in MY city; needless to say, I was fascinated. I quickly registered (free!) and asked myself calmly “What’s there to lose?” Soon afterwards I received an instant message from a 21-year-old guy that lived at the other side of the city, we chatted for 8 hours non-stop, and the next day he picked me up from work. It was my first, real, date, and the guy was gorgeous. I never thought I’d actually find a decent-looking person thru that shabby site, but I was so wrong. We dated for a month, I asked him to be my boyfriend, he accepted. We didn’t last long, unfortunately. It was a really confusing time for me, never had a boyfriend before and I actually didn’t know what to do or how to act. My first kiss (regular and french), my first make-out session… they all took place almost one after the other in less than an hour. I guess it was Destiny’s way of saying “I owed you, kid, here you go! Have fun!”

Anyway, I noticed this two stories didn’t make much of a post individually as I’d previously planned so there you go, I won’t be posting this frequently (1 post per day) but I’ll try to keep a steady rhythm on the updates.

Innocence

When I was 9 years old, I changed school once again (my mum wanted the best and, apparently, every year there were better schools so I never quite had the chance of making friends), didn’t know a single kid, I was so shy. For some reason, I took an English class for kids younger than I was, and that’s where I met my first friend, my first best-friend, my first “boyfriend.” We would hang out all free-periods, beg our parents for more playtime. I don’t really remember who started it, but after a while, we started holding hands, not knowing that it was socially incorrect. It felt good, nice, warm… we didn’t want to stop doing it.

And of course, not a single minute passed when we did this at school, everyone, and I do mean everyone, threw as many nasty comments as they could. That forced us out of it, the whole friendship. What else could you expect? I was 9 and he was only 8.

Three years later, I had made some friends over the years but it wasn’t till I met Helmet-Head (amazing straight hair) that I went down that same road all over again. He was the new kid, shy as I once had been. I didn’t know why but I needed to be his friend. I introduced him to my friends, started hanging out and six months after I realized I liked him more than I liked my other friends. It didn’t take that long afterwards to finally admit it to myself, I was in love with him (or at least, that’s what I thought love was). I never told him, I didn’t need to, he knew.

The funny thing is… I never thought there was something wrong with me or with what I was feeling. My innocence would prevail, for now.

I still felt something for Helmet-Head alter summer vacations (even though he changed schools) and it was then, when I told someone for the first time I had a crush on a guy. Guess where this is going… yes. I got my first nickname “Porky the gay” (not the cleverest thing, but that’s 13-year-old bullying for you). The whole thing just… it took me a while to realize what “gay” meant and even more to understand that it was wrong to be gay. It still hurts a little when I think about it, my stupid-ass teacher convinced me to go up to the front of the classroom and tell everyone I was just playing, that I was not gay, that I was just testing their friendship.

They quickly got over it... I don't know if I ever did.

Honest and Personal

I’m not a really serious person, it’s a rare thing on me and I can actually count the number of friends who’ve had the opportunity to meet that side of me. Almost everyone should be confused by now… I just started this thing and I’m already getting ahead of myself, *sighs*, oh well.

Ever since I came out of the closet, I've been asked “Are gay people born being gay?” Born or made? I’ve heard you are not supposed to answer a question with another question but, it’s necessary, my answer is: Does that fucking matter? What matters is that they are. We are here, we are queer… get used to it.

Now, in the first couple of posts I’ll tell you about my life, bare with me because it’s a long story and I have poor editing skills.