It's the little things, a gentle touch, a calm kiss, him just grabbing your hand and holding it, and don't get me started on the cuddling... those small details are the ones that really, really let you know... how much in love you really are. For me, holding hands can, and has had as much, effect on my emotions as a kiss. I'm a romantic, can't help myself.
Remember the chocolate guy ? It all started because he didn't mind holding my hand in public. It may sound (it totally is) pathetic, but living in a small town has had it's effects, and finding a guy willing to hold my hand while walking in a park, a hell of a highlight in my life. A straight guy, small detail I didn't want to understand until he started dating a really good girl-friend of mine.
People have always told me that I'm a really loud fag, and that I don't care about what other "normal" people think. Which is totally true, I don't give a flying fuck what people think about who I am as a sexual being; but that doesn't mean I'm having hot-n-steamy gay sex in public, (not that I wouldn't want some hot-n-steamy gay sex, mind you) it means that if I want to hold hands with the guy I love, I will freaking do it no matter who is watching. That's all I ask, you know? I don't find it fair that every time I go out I see at least 2 or 3 straight couples almost having sex in a park (in broad daylight, no less), but two guys holding hands ? NO FREAKING WAY, the outrage! The shame!
WTF?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Being side-tracked, and not in the good way.
Note: This took place over a year ago.
He was almost leaving, he already had his seatbelt on, his door open, I was just outside, my mind made up - It's today, I'm going to tell him right now! - and the moment I was about to say it... he offered me a piece of chocolate.
I was completely side-tracked, without knowing what else to do, I accepted. So he took my hand, and gave me a small piece. I couldn't do anything else.
Fag: *hugs* I... I... (have a freaking chocolate in my freaking hand ! God dammit) I... just leave ! BYE !
I was already inside my house before he was even gone.
Stupid chocolate, disappeared a moment after.
He was almost leaving, he already had his seatbelt on, his door open, I was just outside, my mind made up - It's today, I'm going to tell him right now! - and the moment I was about to say it... he offered me a piece of chocolate.
I was completely side-tracked, without knowing what else to do, I accepted. So he took my hand, and gave me a small piece. I couldn't do anything else.
Fag: *hugs* I... I... (have a freaking chocolate in my freaking hand ! God dammit) I... just leave ! BYE !
I was already inside my house before he was even gone.
Stupid chocolate, disappeared a moment after.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
So THAT is what it takes...
It's in situations like this that I know why I love my friends.
Me on the phone with one of my besties:
Fag: I... I went to the mall yesterday... and I bought something...
Her: ... what?
Fag: A... white hemp belt.
Her: OMG, you know what that means? You are officially out of the closet!
Like I said, I love my friends.
Me on the phone with one of my besties:
Fag: I... I went to the mall yesterday... and I bought something...
Her: ... what?
Fag: A... white hemp belt.
Her: OMG, you know what that means? You are officially out of the closet!
Like I said, I love my friends.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I'm a cuddler.
I'm a cuddler, and if there's one thing I love to do with the people I like is cuddling, with my boyfriends and best friends is no exception.
Except that... I don't have a boyfriend to cuddle with, that the only real friend I have left that would help, can't. And that the person I really, really, want (need) to cuddle with... hasn't talked to me in over a month.
But I need the cuddling, the warmth it gives... I needed it so much that I did the last thing I thought I'd ever do for it.
I called an ex.
Not just any ex, my first official boyfriend. The one who broke it off because I didn't want to have sex with. The one who's only real attribute (besides his really gorgeous ass) was that he liked me. No chemistry, no real connection, just him wanting to be sexually intimate with me and me wanting to be with him emotionally. Neither of us got what we wanted.
Last week, almost two years after we had broken up, He logged on and we chatted a bit, he told me he was back in town for the rest of the month. "How about you, coming over to my place?" he said.
And I, against all the warning signs popping in my head, accepted.
....
Fast-forward >> I'm at his place, he's taking a shower... and I feel like shit.
Just because I needed someone to cuddle.
Except that... I don't have a boyfriend to cuddle with, that the only real friend I have left that would help, can't. And that the person I really, really, want (need) to cuddle with... hasn't talked to me in over a month.
But I need the cuddling, the warmth it gives... I needed it so much that I did the last thing I thought I'd ever do for it.
I called an ex.
Not just any ex, my first official boyfriend. The one who broke it off because I didn't want to have sex with. The one who's only real attribute (besides his really gorgeous ass) was that he liked me. No chemistry, no real connection, just him wanting to be sexually intimate with me and me wanting to be with him emotionally. Neither of us got what we wanted.
Last week, almost two years after we had broken up, He logged on and we chatted a bit, he told me he was back in town for the rest of the month. "How about you, coming over to my place?" he said.
And I, against all the warning signs popping in my head, accepted.
....
Fast-forward >> I'm at his place, he's taking a shower... and I feel like shit.
Just because I needed someone to cuddle.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Being a fag is not a fad.
Note: In order for some parts of the post to make sense, I'm not referring to everyone in the new trend of fashion guys that spend more money than an average girl in products, I'm referring to the one's that are gay, duh.
Times change, and the way we look at many things change accordingly. Recently my aunt tried to convince me that there are more gay guys than 30 years ago, I didn't have time to expose my case, but I just said that it wasn't like that. Now I do have the time so here it goes.
We all know homosexuality has been around for ever, in Greece the kids learned the way of pleasing a man from his teacher, Julius Cesar had both male and female lovers, etc. It was accepted and it was normal.
Then, apparently, someone, somewhere, *coughs*StupidChurch*coughs again* decided this wasn't cool, so it became "Adan and Eve" and we got screwed (in a sad, non-literal way). Male with female, that was what The-Almighty-God wanted and that's what he shall receive, if not then YOU'LL BURN IN HELL, ok?
So it was established, a guy and a girl and they would have kids and that's a family.
Do it.
And for many years, that was okay for most, you grew in an environment that demanded the "normal family structure". Some didn't do it, of course, they knew that vaginas weren't made for them and that they wanted something else, more fulfilling (there are so many puns I'm not going to comment on them), so they lived being single, others surrendered to those feelings in secret, meeting with strangers where no one could see them.
We all know there has always been fags around us, but we are turning into a more tolerant society (in some places), 20 years ago the regular family sitcom was a huge family with both parents, know we see TV shows with single parents, gay couples, lesbians, etc. It works for us, since we get to see something we can relate to it more than we would an all-straight show, and it works for the media, they get to make a scandal, cause an outrage with the fans (she can't be a lesbian!), it doesn't get any better than that.
That is why there are so many fag-looking (fashion-oriented, sorry) people out there on the streets (not the only reason, but a main one), because we've learned that it's fine to be the way you are, that you shouldn't be trapped into the "male-female" structure, if it doesn't make you happy, then why do it? If you want to dress different, do it! Some people may be unhappy with that decision, some may even try to offend/hurt you, and you have to learn that the one who has to be sad is the guy calling you a queer from inside a passing car, that the group of jocks laughing at the guy with the berét are the ones that decided to conform.
There are more gays out-of-the-closet than last century, but gays in general? I'm guessing about the same as now.
Times change, and the way we look at many things change accordingly. Recently my aunt tried to convince me that there are more gay guys than 30 years ago, I didn't have time to expose my case, but I just said that it wasn't like that. Now I do have the time so here it goes.
We all know homosexuality has been around for ever, in Greece the kids learned the way of pleasing a man from his teacher, Julius Cesar had both male and female lovers, etc. It was accepted and it was normal.
Then, apparently, someone, somewhere, *coughs*StupidChurch*coughs again* decided this wasn't cool, so it became "Adan and Eve" and we got screwed (in a sad, non-literal way). Male with female, that was what The-Almighty-God wanted and that's what he shall receive, if not then YOU'LL BURN IN HELL, ok?
So it was established, a guy and a girl and they would have kids and that's a family.
Do it.
And for many years, that was okay for most, you grew in an environment that demanded the "normal family structure". Some didn't do it, of course, they knew that vaginas weren't made for them and that they wanted something else, more fulfilling (there are so many puns I'm not going to comment on them), so they lived being single, others surrendered to those feelings in secret, meeting with strangers where no one could see them.
We all know there has always been fags around us, but we are turning into a more tolerant society (in some places), 20 years ago the regular family sitcom was a huge family with both parents, know we see TV shows with single parents, gay couples, lesbians, etc. It works for us, since we get to see something we can relate to it more than we would an all-straight show, and it works for the media, they get to make a scandal, cause an outrage with the fans (she can't be a lesbian!), it doesn't get any better than that.
That is why there are so many fag-looking (fashion-oriented, sorry) people out there on the streets (not the only reason, but a main one), because we've learned that it's fine to be the way you are, that you shouldn't be trapped into the "male-female" structure, if it doesn't make you happy, then why do it? If you want to dress different, do it! Some people may be unhappy with that decision, some may even try to offend/hurt you, and you have to learn that the one who has to be sad is the guy calling you a queer from inside a passing car, that the group of jocks laughing at the guy with the berét are the ones that decided to conform.
There are more gays out-of-the-closet than last century, but gays in general? I'm guessing about the same as now.
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