We need to talk

a.k.a. "Relationship breakers, a cliché compilation and why they suck (Part 1)"

We need to talk.

Nothing good comes out of "we need to talk," ever. Not only is that a phrase no one wants to hear, it's a phrase dreaded everywhere and in every language possible. Why? Because it turns something ordinary and casual (talking) and phrase it as the most important thing you'll be doing. 

I know I've covered some relationship topics before, I may not know all but I've certainly heard almost everything there is to hear, and if there's something I don't want to hear, ever, is this:

You deserve better than me.

Who was the idiot who came up with this? I'll tell you who: a loser, a quitter, and someone who probably didn't the deserve to be in a relationship in the first place.

Let me tell you something about what "you deserve better" implies:

First, it implies that you know you are doing a lousy job as a boyfriend. Not only that, it also makes it pretty clear you have yourself in a low standard, to even think you are with someone who you don't "deserve".

And third, and maybe the most important thing: It means that even though you know you are doing a bad job, you prefer to take the easy road and quit the relationship, instead of working and hoping and trying to improve.

Because that's just it, here's the ironic twist:

Saying "you deserve better" may actually be a true statement, if the guy is willingly giving up the relationship because he can't make the effort of working to be better... then you DEFINATELY deserve better.

And the worst part is, we don't like "better". We don't want, need or seek better. We are in this relationship because WE want to be in it. Right?

I'm going to be as honest as I can allow myself in this one and say it: I work hard to be in a good relationship. I know, I know, that's not what a relationship is supposed to be, like everything else it has to have a balance, not everything will be sugar-coated and pink. It isn't. But if I can do anything to make my man feel better, godammit I will, because that's what it's all about.

I haven't had this one applied to me, but it happened to a girlfriend of mine, I was a friend of both parties involved and it wasn't a pretty sight. 

So, what the fuck?

In his words... "She needs someone better, She's so amazing but I don't deserve her!"

In her words... "I don't know what happened, he just said he couldn't be with me anymore, that I needed to find someone better!"

Let me say it once more: What. The. Fuck?

There's only one thing that I can say, and it is this: Girl, if he's not willing to be better for you, then you REALLY deserve something better.

It's the little things that matter.

It's the little things, a gentle touch, a calm kiss, him just grabbing your hand and holding it, and don't get me started on the cuddling... those small details are the ones that really, really let you know... how much in love you really are. For me, holding hands can, and has had as much, effect on my emotions as a kiss. I'm a romantic, can't help myself.

Remember the chocolate guy ? It all started because he didn't mind holding my hand in public. It may sound (it totally is) pathetic, but living in a small town has had it's effects, and finding a guy willing to hold my hand while walking in a park, a hell of a highlight in my life. A straight guy, small detail I didn't want to understand until he started dating a really good girl-friend of mine.

People have always told me that I'm a really loud fag, and that I don't care about what other "normal" people think. Which is totally true, I don't give a flying fuck what people think about who I am as a sexual being; but that doesn't mean I'm having hot-n-steamy gay sex in public, (not that I wouldn't want some hot-n-steamy gay sex, mind you) it means that if I want to hold hands with the guy I love, I will freaking do it no matter who is watching. That's all I ask, you know? I don't find it fair that every time I go out I see at least 2 or 3 straight couples almost having sex in a park (in broad daylight, no less), but two guys holding hands ? NO FREAKING WAY, the outrage! The shame!

WTF?

Being a fag is not a fad.

Note: In order for some parts of the post to make sense, I'm not referring to everyone in the new trend of fashion guys that spend more money than an average girl in products, I'm referring to the one's that are gay, duh.

Times change, and the way we look at many things change accordingly. Recently my aunt tried to convince me that there are more gay guys than 30 years ago, I didn't have time to expose my case, but I just said that it wasn't like that. Now I do have the time so here it goes.

We all know homosexuality has been around for ever, in Greece the kids learned the way of pleasing a man from his teacher, Julius Cesar had both male and female lovers, etc. It was accepted and it was normal.

Then, apparently, someone, somewhere, *coughs*StupidChurch*coughs again* decided this wasn't cool, so it became "Adan and Eve" and we got screwed (in a sad, non-literal way). Male with female, that was what The-Almighty-God wanted and that's what he shall receive, if not then YOU'LL BURN IN HELL, ok?

So it was established, a guy and a girl and they would have kids and that's a family.

Do it.

And for many years, that was okay for most, you grew in an environment that demanded the "normal family structure". Some didn't do it, of course, they knew that vaginas weren't made for them and that they wanted something else, more fulfilling (there are so many puns I'm not going to comment on them), so they lived being single, others surrendered to those feelings in secret, meeting with strangers where no one could see them.

We all know there has always been fags around us, but we are turning into a more tolerant society (in some places), 20 years ago the regular family sitcom was a huge family with both parents, know we see TV shows with single parents, gay couples, lesbians, etc. It works for us, since we get to see something we can relate to it more than we would an all-straight show, and it works for the media, they get to make a scandal, cause an outrage with the fans (she can't be a lesbian!), it doesn't get any better than that.

That is why there are so many fag-looking (fashion-oriented, sorry) people out there on the streets (not the only reason, but a main one), because we've learned that it's fine to be the way you are, that you shouldn't be trapped into the "male-female" structure, if it doesn't make you happy, then why do it? If you want to dress different, do it! Some people may be unhappy with that decision, some may even try to offend/hurt you, and you have to learn that the one who has to be sad is the guy calling you a queer from inside a passing car, that the group of jocks laughing at the guy with the berét are the ones that decided to conform.

There are more gays out-of-the-closet than last century, but gays in general? I'm guessing about the same as now.

Jesus in da house! (I'm sooo going to Hell)

It may seem obvious to some, specially those who actually know me, that I'm not a religious person. I think that praying has no actual value towards the movement of the world and that it's just a waste of time, time that could be used more effectively towards actually doing something to help yourself. Last time I went to a church, it was to see a friend play piano to celebrate a.... bishop's (???) birthday, and I didn't even enter, it was at the courtyard.

But today, same friend invited me to hear his girlfriend sing with a choir, this one was in the inside of the biggest church there is in this state, anyway as the mass kept on going, I went to this room called "The Room of Miracles". The whole room felt different than what I've grown to know as the inside of a church, there was something else, I felt hope. An almost tangible sense of hope. An old lady with crutches using all of her strength to sit, caressing a saint's clothing and then her legs... Half of the room had pictures, notes, clothing, all of them with a writing on them, some asking for a prayer to help cure a disease, some for protection, to bring a son back from Irak safely... some only asked for prayers from fellow believers, not money, nor any financial aid, just for your time and faith.

Just a prayer.

So I did what I'd never though I'd do again, something I hadn't done since I was a loved-deprived high-school boy (not really, but yes)... I went to a stool that had just been cleared, with 2 candles in front of me, a choir singing in the background, and I prayed.

I prayed, to any God, Goddess, or Entity, to Whatever this may concern: This is what I ask for, clarity. To know what to do before the oportunity leaves my hands, before it's too late, before it's gone for good. I pray, I implore and ask that the person I love the most, for who I've moved earth, water and fat... to please be happy, even if that means he won't be with me... and if so, I ask and pray for the opportunity and the chance to love someone else as much as the way I love him...

... and world peace.

Edit: That was such an old-movie-reference (Miss Congeniality, duuh)

I laughed...

I laughed.

And now you think I don't care.

Then, when you finally left me by my own, I cried.

But when it mattered to you, I laughed.

I know I shouldn't have... God, I didn't even wanted to.

But I laughed, I couldn't say what I really thought. I couldn't tell you what I really felt.

And then you left; you finally gave up on me, on us.

I'm sorry I laughed.