I'm a cuddler.

I'm a cuddler, and if there's one thing I love to do with the people I like is cuddling, with my boyfriends and best friends is no exception.

Except that... I don't have a boyfriend to cuddle with, that the only real friend I have left that would help, can't. And that the person I really, really, want (need) to cuddle with... hasn't talked to me in over a month.

But I need the cuddling, the warmth it gives... I needed it so much that I did the last thing I thought I'd ever do for it.

I called an ex.

Not just any ex, my first official boyfriend. The one who broke it off because I didn't want to have sex with. The one who's only real attribute (besides his really gorgeous ass) was that he liked me. No chemistry, no real connection, just him wanting to be sexually intimate with me and me wanting to be with him emotionally. Neither of us got what we wanted.

Last week, almost two years after we had broken up, He logged on and we chatted a bit, he told me he was back in town for the rest of the month. "How about you, coming over to my place?" he said.

And I, against all the warning signs popping in my head, accepted.

....

Fast-forward >> I'm at his place, he's taking a shower... and I feel like shit.

Just because I needed someone to cuddle.