Being a fag is not a fad.

Note: In order for some parts of the post to make sense, I'm not referring to everyone in the new trend of fashion guys that spend more money than an average girl in products, I'm referring to the one's that are gay, duh.

Times change, and the way we look at many things change accordingly. Recently my aunt tried to convince me that there are more gay guys than 30 years ago, I didn't have time to expose my case, but I just said that it wasn't like that. Now I do have the time so here it goes.

We all know homosexuality has been around for ever, in Greece the kids learned the way of pleasing a man from his teacher, Julius Cesar had both male and female lovers, etc. It was accepted and it was normal.

Then, apparently, someone, somewhere, *coughs*StupidChurch*coughs again* decided this wasn't cool, so it became "Adan and Eve" and we got screwed (in a sad, non-literal way). Male with female, that was what The-Almighty-God wanted and that's what he shall receive, if not then YOU'LL BURN IN HELL, ok?

So it was established, a guy and a girl and they would have kids and that's a family.

Do it.

And for many years, that was okay for most, you grew in an environment that demanded the "normal family structure". Some didn't do it, of course, they knew that vaginas weren't made for them and that they wanted something else, more fulfilling (there are so many puns I'm not going to comment on them), so they lived being single, others surrendered to those feelings in secret, meeting with strangers where no one could see them.

We all know there has always been fags around us, but we are turning into a more tolerant society (in some places), 20 years ago the regular family sitcom was a huge family with both parents, know we see TV shows with single parents, gay couples, lesbians, etc. It works for us, since we get to see something we can relate to it more than we would an all-straight show, and it works for the media, they get to make a scandal, cause an outrage with the fans (she can't be a lesbian!), it doesn't get any better than that.

That is why there are so many fag-looking (fashion-oriented, sorry) people out there on the streets (not the only reason, but a main one), because we've learned that it's fine to be the way you are, that you shouldn't be trapped into the "male-female" structure, if it doesn't make you happy, then why do it? If you want to dress different, do it! Some people may be unhappy with that decision, some may even try to offend/hurt you, and you have to learn that the one who has to be sad is the guy calling you a queer from inside a passing car, that the group of jocks laughing at the guy with the berét are the ones that decided to conform.

There are more gays out-of-the-closet than last century, but gays in general? I'm guessing about the same as now.

Quick updates.

Even though I'm not posting anything, I still check my blog every once in a while, read some of the things I've said, hoping to get inspired. Part of me has been inspired lately, but my fun muse has left the building, and the new one has dark and straight hair all over her face, and scars in her arms, as she cuts herself to feeel aliveee.

Joking, kinda.

You've read (hopefully) the last two entries, it's not the last of the emo series. Because, even though our flag is a rainbow, sometimes black is needed.

In other news, trying to learn how to do my own clothes has failed miserably.

The thing I prayed for? Has also failed miserably. Thanks, God. (Can't tell you to go to Hell, can I? Good thing I don't believe in you)

And worst of all? I laughed, again. (*shoots himself*)

Ex-Sighting

I haven't had that many boyfriends in my life, and for some weird reason... I never see them again after we've broken up, my first boyfriend moved out of town a couple of months after, the second one just disappeared from my radar, etc. The last one... we broke up 2 months ago and I just saw him at the mall. I neeever go to the mall, ever. And when I finally go, he's there. Damn it.

The thing is, I didn't want to break it up, I was really starting to love him, and wanted to go on for a long time, but he gave up. He said so himself, he didn't feel like trying... so I said "fuck it," kissed him a last time, told him "I guess this was it... bye" and left.

It was our 3rd month anniversary.

Jesus in da house! (I'm sooo going to Hell)

It may seem obvious to some, specially those who actually know me, that I'm not a religious person. I think that praying has no actual value towards the movement of the world and that it's just a waste of time, time that could be used more effectively towards actually doing something to help yourself. Last time I went to a church, it was to see a friend play piano to celebrate a.... bishop's (???) birthday, and I didn't even enter, it was at the courtyard.

But today, same friend invited me to hear his girlfriend sing with a choir, this one was in the inside of the biggest church there is in this state, anyway as the mass kept on going, I went to this room called "The Room of Miracles". The whole room felt different than what I've grown to know as the inside of a church, there was something else, I felt hope. An almost tangible sense of hope. An old lady with crutches using all of her strength to sit, caressing a saint's clothing and then her legs... Half of the room had pictures, notes, clothing, all of them with a writing on them, some asking for a prayer to help cure a disease, some for protection, to bring a son back from Irak safely... some only asked for prayers from fellow believers, not money, nor any financial aid, just for your time and faith.

Just a prayer.

So I did what I'd never though I'd do again, something I hadn't done since I was a loved-deprived high-school boy (not really, but yes)... I went to a stool that had just been cleared, with 2 candles in front of me, a choir singing in the background, and I prayed.

I prayed, to any God, Goddess, or Entity, to Whatever this may concern: This is what I ask for, clarity. To know what to do before the oportunity leaves my hands, before it's too late, before it's gone for good. I pray, I implore and ask that the person I love the most, for who I've moved earth, water and fat... to please be happy, even if that means he won't be with me... and if so, I ask and pray for the opportunity and the chance to love someone else as much as the way I love him...

... and world peace.

Edit: That was such an old-movie-reference (Miss Congeniality, duuh)

I laughed...

I laughed.

And now you think I don't care.

Then, when you finally left me by my own, I cried.

But when it mattered to you, I laughed.

I know I shouldn't have... God, I didn't even wanted to.

But I laughed, I couldn't say what I really thought. I couldn't tell you what I really felt.

And then you left; you finally gave up on me, on us.

I'm sorry I laughed.