Even though I'm not posting anything, I still check my blog every once in a while, read some of the things I've said, hoping to get inspired. Part of me has been inspired lately, but my fun muse has left the building, and the new one has dark and straight hair all over her face, and scars in her arms, as she cuts herself to feeel aliveee.
Joking, kinda.
You've read (hopefully) the last two entries, it's not the last of the emo series. Because, even though our flag is a rainbow, sometimes black is needed.
In other news, trying to learn how to do my own clothes has failed miserably.
The thing I prayed for? Has also failed miserably. Thanks, God. (Can't tell you to go to Hell, can I? Good thing I don't believe in you)
And worst of all? I laughed, again. (*shoots himself*)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Ex-Sighting
I haven't had that many boyfriends in my life, and for some weird reason... I never see them again after we've broken up, my first boyfriend moved out of town a couple of months after, the second one just disappeared from my radar, etc. The last one... we broke up 2 months ago and I just saw him at the mall. I neeever go to the mall, ever. And when I finally go, he's there. Damn it.
The thing is, I didn't want to break it up, I was really starting to love him, and wanted to go on for a long time, but he gave up. He said so himself, he didn't feel like trying... so I said "fuck it," kissed him a last time, told him "I guess this was it... bye" and left.
It was our 3rd month anniversary.
The thing is, I didn't want to break it up, I was really starting to love him, and wanted to go on for a long time, but he gave up. He said so himself, he didn't feel like trying... so I said "fuck it," kissed him a last time, told him "I guess this was it... bye" and left.
It was our 3rd month anniversary.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Jesus in da house! (I'm sooo going to Hell)
It may seem obvious to some, specially those who actually know me, that I'm not a religious person. I think that praying has no actual value towards the movement of the world and that it's just a waste of time, time that could be used more effectively towards actually doing something to help yourself. Last time I went to a church, it was to see a friend play piano to celebrate a.... bishop's (???) birthday, and I didn't even enter, it was at the courtyard.
But today, same friend invited me to hear his girlfriend sing with a choir, this one was in the inside of the biggest church there is in this state, anyway as the mass kept on going, I went to this room called "The Room of Miracles". The whole room felt different than what I've grown to know as the inside of a church, there was something else, I felt hope. An almost tangible sense of hope. An old lady with crutches using all of her strength to sit, caressing a saint's clothing and then her legs... Half of the room had pictures, notes, clothing, all of them with a writing on them, some asking for a prayer to help cure a disease, some for protection, to bring a son back from Irak safely... some only asked for prayers from fellow believers, not money, nor any financial aid, just for your time and faith.
Just a prayer.
So I did what I'd never though I'd do again, something I hadn't done since I was a loved-deprived high-school boy (not really, but yes)... I went to a stool that had just been cleared, with 2 candles in front of me, a choir singing in the background, and I prayed.
I prayed, to any God, Goddess, or Entity, to Whatever this may concern: This is what I ask for, clarity. To know what to do before the oportunity leaves my hands, before it's too late, before it's gone for good. I pray, I implore and ask that the person I love the most, for who I've moved earth, water and fat... to please be happy, even if that means he won't be with me... and if so, I ask and pray for the opportunity and the chance to love someone else as much as the way I love him...
... and world peace.
Edit: That was such an old-movie-reference (Miss Congeniality, duuh)
But today, same friend invited me to hear his girlfriend sing with a choir, this one was in the inside of the biggest church there is in this state, anyway as the mass kept on going, I went to this room called "The Room of Miracles". The whole room felt different than what I've grown to know as the inside of a church, there was something else, I felt hope. An almost tangible sense of hope. An old lady with crutches using all of her strength to sit, caressing a saint's clothing and then her legs... Half of the room had pictures, notes, clothing, all of them with a writing on them, some asking for a prayer to help cure a disease, some for protection, to bring a son back from Irak safely... some only asked for prayers from fellow believers, not money, nor any financial aid, just for your time and faith.
Just a prayer.
So I did what I'd never though I'd do again, something I hadn't done since I was a loved-deprived high-school boy (not really, but yes)... I went to a stool that had just been cleared, with 2 candles in front of me, a choir singing in the background, and I prayed.
I prayed, to any God, Goddess, or Entity, to Whatever this may concern: This is what I ask for, clarity. To know what to do before the oportunity leaves my hands, before it's too late, before it's gone for good. I pray, I implore and ask that the person I love the most, for who I've moved earth, water and fat... to please be happy, even if that means he won't be with me... and if so, I ask and pray for the opportunity and the chance to love someone else as much as the way I love him...
... and world peace.
Edit: That was such an old-movie-reference (Miss Congeniality, duuh)
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I laughed...
I laughed.
And now you think I don't care.
Then, when you finally left me by my own, I cried.
But when it mattered to you, I laughed.
I know I shouldn't have... God, I didn't even wanted to.
But I laughed, I couldn't say what I really thought. I couldn't tell you what I really felt.
And then you left; you finally gave up on me, on us.
I'm sorry I laughed.
And now you think I don't care.
Then, when you finally left me by my own, I cried.
But when it mattered to you, I laughed.
I know I shouldn't have... God, I didn't even wanted to.
But I laughed, I couldn't say what I really thought. I couldn't tell you what I really felt.
And then you left; you finally gave up on me, on us.
I'm sorry I laughed.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sorry!
When I started this blog, I was convinced a weekly update wouldn't be a hard thing to manage. It's been over a month since my last post, I fail at life.
There's been a lot of shit going on in my life, I broke up with my boyfriend, work, college (finals!) , etc.
I won't promise to post something soon because my muse is MIA, but I'll try to find her.
Oh, I almost forgot... I'm learning how to sew! I'm having some troubles with the stuuupid sewing machine but I noticed something peculiar about the way I look at some clothes...
F:*is watching a TV show* Wow, that skirt is pretty, and... it's not that hard to make, I can totally see the pattern, maybe I'll have trouble with the pleating but... Fuck, all doubts about my gayness should be gone by now.
There's been a lot of shit going on in my life, I broke up with my boyfriend, work, college (finals!) , etc.
I won't promise to post something soon because my muse is MIA, but I'll try to find her.
Oh, I almost forgot... I'm learning how to sew! I'm having some troubles with the stuuupid sewing machine but I noticed something peculiar about the way I look at some clothes...
F:*is watching a TV show* Wow, that skirt is pretty, and... it's not that hard to make, I can totally see the pattern, maybe I'll have trouble with the pleating but... Fuck, all doubts about my gayness should be gone by now.
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